CX07: Om konsten att leverera dåliga nyheter

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Sammanfattning:

Detta är sista delen av Irinas samtal med organisationskonsulten, coachen och författaren från Storbritannien Nicola Phillips.  

Nicola ger oss enkla men effektiva tips om hur vi kan leverera dåliga nyheter, framför allt i professionella situationer och när det inte finns något utrymme för föhandlingar. 

Hej och välkomna till CoachXpress, Sveriges första podcast om det bästa inom coaching, avsnitt 7. Idag ska vi höra sista delen av mitt samtal med organisationskonsulten, coachen och författaren från England Nicola Phillips där Nicola delar med sig tips om hur vi kan leverera dåliga nyheter, framför allt i vår yrkesroll. Här kommer Nicola Philips.

IA: I’ve read that you had workshops on delivering bad news and wondered why you think we need to learn delivering bad news. Could you teach us some basics in delivering bad news?

NP: It’s very interesting because they all have similarities. There is a pattern you should observe when you are delivering bad news. The rule is that it only applies to things that are non-negotiable. If you are about to talk to someone about something that is negotiable (if somebody’s performance at work isn’t very good but if they get better then it will be Ok), that isn’t the time to use the rules of delivering bad news. That’s different. But if somebody is about to get redundant and there is no negotiation, there is nothing to do or you are breaking up with someone and it’s absolute that you you are breaking up with somebody, then there is only one way to deliver bad news and that’s to deliver it. And the rules about bad news are that you only, in the sentence that has the bad news in it, you are very clear about what the bad news is. “As of Monday you will no longer have a job”. Not “I am terribly terribly sorry” or “How was the football last night? How are you feeling today? Did you have a good week end? By the way, you are redundant from tomorrow”. It should be one sentence, because most of the time people know when are going to be delivered bad news.

This is very specific for delivering serious bad news. It’s not for saying, “You can’t have an ice-cream”. Although i think, actually, the rules still apply. The clarity of the message is what delivers it. The reason why clarity is so important is that because when somebody gives us bad news, the first response is always going to be denial. It’s always shock, denial. It’s like this isn’t really happening. And so most of the time when you deliver bad news, you have to say it two or three times but you should repeat the same message. It’s why when the policeman comes to your door, you know it’s bad news. So you really wouldn’t want them to start saying, “How are you? Are you having a good evening?” It’s all to do with telling you exactly what it is because most of the time when we want to say something to someone, we tiptoe around their defenses.

And the other golden rule is you don’t justify it. So for example, one of the worst things that people have difficulty with is telling someone that they have body odor, that they smell. And they will try all sorts of things to get round it. They’ll say, “Oh, there’s terrible smell in here” or “Do you use deodorant?”, you know, something crazy like that. I think if I smelled and I was upsetting people around me, I would want to be told. Most people, however unpleasant, want to be told the truth, rather than have everyone around them do this whenever you are near. And it’s the same when it’s bad news. It hurts immediately, but the only way to get through to someone is to crush through all of their defense mechanisms. It’s always about being clear, knowing what you want to have happen as a result of that message.

So when it’s really bad news, like some has died or they’ve lost the job or something like that, the thing that you want to have happen is to be clear about the message you are giving them. You have to be prepared to repeat it, to use simple language and to not justify it, to say, “Oh, I am terribly sorry, we had to do that because you know everybody is losing their job”, because as soon as you say that, the person doesn’t absorb it. The key points are being clear about what you want to say, not using flowery language and not justifying it. Because either it’s a message you want them to hear and it’s true and there is no negotiation or you deliver it another way. So it wouldn’t be the start if you had a relationship problem, it wouldn’t be the first thing I would suggest. When you are delivering bad news professionally, it can’t be emotional from you, but when you are doing it personally, it’s a different story. So when you are talking to a partner that you are breaking up with, that’s different. That’s a lot harder, because it’s only emotional.

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Sammanfattningsvis pratar Nicola här om ett effektivt sätt att leverera dåliga nyheter, framför allt i ett professionellt sammanhang, och när det definitivt inte går att göra något åt situationen. Det handlar om att a) säga det precis som det är, på klarspråk; b) vara förberedd på att upprepa samma mening flera gånger och att inte ursäkta sig. Självklart finns det detaljer i konsten om att leverera dåliga nyheter och idag hörde vi bara om det mest väsentliga i den, enligt Nicola. Jag hoppas verkligen att ni, våra kära lyssnare, varken behöver leverera eller höra dåliga nyheter under veckan som kommer. Vi hörs om en vecka!